Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT TEN:

Celebrate Everything

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the optimistic little boy who, when confronted with a room full of horse manure, dove right in, exclaiming, “With all this manure, there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!” Although I don’t think I want to hug him right now, I think the little fellow’s got it right. No matter how big a pile of “manure” life dumps in your path, looking for the pony is the best response. Even if there is no pony, digging in with enthusiasm is better for us than being burdened with reluctance and resentment. Between you and me, there usually is a pony, but we m iss it because we’re not looking for it. When you opened your eyes this morning, you were already breathing. If not, I don’t think you should be reading this. If you went on to check the obituaries and didn’t find your name, you’re apparently alive. That’s a miracle. Celebrate it. Celebration is made up of two elements — gratitude and joy. Remember, joy is the most natural state for us humor beings. If you want more joy in your life, begin each moment with gratitude. Gratitude is the essence of celebration. It doesn’t have to be noisy or raucous. A quiet “thank you” to a special person in your life can be an effective form of celebration. If you have not been celebrating everything, try this exercise:

Exercise #10:

Get in the habit of listening for the sounds of laughter constantly going on all around you. I call these sounds the Sym phony of Laughter. Whenever you are out in a public place, such as the mall, an airport, or a theater lobby, you can hear laughter, because that’s the way we communicate when we have no imposed agenda. Whether it’s a giggle right beside you or a guffaw from across the room, the sound will lift your spirits and bring a smile to your face.

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Soon one more laugh will be heard—yours. There you have my Ten Commandments of Fun, each a practical strategy for bringing forth your humor nature in all its strength and glory. Notice that all of them are focused on you, rather than the things going on around you. That’s because, if you’re aiming to focus on fun, you must look to yourself first. As selfish as that may sound, it’s simply the way it is. The roots of fun do not lie in the circumstances or things that surround you. They are deeply embedded within your being. If you catch yourself thinking thoughts like, “I could have more fun, if I had more money” or “My job would be more fun if the boss would get off my back,” you’re focusing in the wrong direction. Fun starts inside you and works its way out. It doesn’t happen the other way. The best way to remem ber how fun works is to “take” my Ha Ha Ha Prescription. Whereas m ost doctors say, “Open wide and say AH,” I say, “Open wide and say HA HA HA.” The first HA is Humor Attitude. This is where fun begins. Attitude is a 100 percent inside job. Our attitude may be the only thing in life over which we have total control. If we cultivate an attitude of willingness to be light and playful, to appreciate all the absurdities swirling around us all the time and to laugh whenever we can, we have done our part. The next step happens automatically, without any effort from us. Our Humor Attitude creates a Humor Atmosphere around us. That is the second HA. It just “oozes” from us. Others may not know what to call it, but they know it’s there. They can feel it. They are drawn into it. It’s irresistible. They want to be near us and hear what we have to say. They are eager to share their positive thoughts with us. They want to “play” with us. Once this is accomplished, what follows is a no-brainer. The very next thing we do will be fun. That’s the last HA—a Humor Action. Humor Action does not require anyone to be witty or funny.

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There is no pressure to perform or to make anything happen. It is

merely a trustworthy natural outcome.

Because we have the tendency to m istakenly think that

success produces fun instead of the other way around, we often find

ourselves trying to apply the HA HA HA Prescription backwards.

We attempt to say or do something funny (Hum or Action) hoping

that our “performance” will stimulate laughter (Humor Atmosphere)

and thus lighten the mood of everyone present (Humor Attitude).

It doesn’t work that way. Even when it seems to, it’s only a

transient phenomenon, hardly a dependable basis for lasting success.

Sustained excellence com es only from having fun first, and that

begins, not ends, with attitude.

With the HA HA HA Prescription and the Ten

Commandments of Fun under our belts, we are now ready to

consider how to build the Fun Factor back into our lives. Let’s begin

by looking at the most basic social structure we encounter in life—

our family.

Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT NINE:

Act and Interact With People

The best ideas are merely intellectual curiosities until put into action. Success is measured by action. Life is not a spectator sport. We must have a plan of action. Even if it calls for us to do nothing for now, planned passivity is better than immobilization by despair. Yes, there is risk involved in taking action. In fact, there is a certain degree of risk in every breath we take. But if we are willing to be bold in putting our humor nature into action, we will find that the risks have been vastly overrated. Others are surprisingly receptive and supportive, once we take the initiative. Which brings us to the second aspect of this “commandment” — interacting. Nobody achieves success without help from others. Even the Lone Ranger, the quintessential symbol for going it alone, had Tonto at his side.

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Have you noticed that your sense of humor becomes stronger the moment it connects with another person? Amusing yourself is better than nothing. Sharing your humor with others is the best. You will find that if you make the effort to reach out with humor, others will be eager to meet you more than half way. Here’s an exercise to help with this challenge:

Exercise #9:

Reach out. Engage other people at every opportunity. A childlike, playful spirit is the best approach. Despite the impersonal tendencies of modern technology, there are many everyday situations in which we find ourselves in close proximity to other people. Do we interact? Usually not. A prime example is a ride in an elevator. Here we have a small room, many people, and no windows. So what do we do with this golden opportunity to interact? We stare silently at the numbers over the door. Don’t ever let this happen to you again. Say something - anything. Break the silence. My favorite ploy is to announce, “If I’d known so many were coming to this meeting, I’d have reserved a bigger room.” Then I’ll ask for somebody to give the treasurer’s report. Someone usually “volunteers”, and has some fun with it. I’ll ask departing passengers how they want to vote on the upcoming merger issue. Newcomers are greeted with, “You m issed the first part of the meeting, but don’t feel left out. We elected you president.” By the time we’ve gone a few floors, everybody’s smiling and having fun. It’s silly. But it’s better than staring at the numbers. There are many similar situations. It’s ludicrous to be thrown into face-to-face contact and have nothing to say to each other. Don’t let it happen. Reach out. You never know whom you might meet.

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT EIGHT:

Stay Focused, But Flexible

This sounds like an assignment for a contortionist. Focused and flexible? Aren’t they opposites? Let me put it this way. We all know the shortest distance between two points is… usually under construction. That’s right. The theoretical straight line does not exist in real life. We are challenged to keep our goals and priorities clearly in focus, while remaining flexible enough to accommodate the inevitable surprises. At times life resembles a game of “Twister.” That’s why humor is so valuable. Balance is the issue. If focus overrides flexibility, we become stubborn, rigid and bull-headed. If flexibility eclipses focus, we are left aimless and vulnerable. Humor helps us avoid these extremes. When it comes to flexibility, your humor nature offers a win/win situation. Flexibility stimulates your sense of humor and humor will keep you more flexible. If you are having trouble with this seemingly oxymoronic “commandment,” here’s an exercise that might help:

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Exercise #8:

Keep humor props with you at all times. Props are very

helpful in keeping focus and perspective.

For example, one prop I find indispensable in rush hour

traffic is my red clown nose. When caught in a “logjam ”, I put on

the nose and wave to people in the other cars.

Incidentally, if you should ever want to try this, I will warn

you right now that half the people who see you do this won’t like it.

They’ll look away quickly, so as not to encourage you at all. But the

other 50 percent love it. They laugh, wave, and tell m e I’m #1 - at

least I think that’s what that finger means.

The point is that, regardless of the effect it has on others,

the prop helps m e stay focused on the big picture, which keeps the

small frustrations in perspective.

Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT SEVEN:

Challenge Your Assumptions

This a crucial “commandment,” because most of the fear we experience in life relates to assumptions we make based on past experience or the counsel of others (usually some form of hearsay). We are tireless assumers. Drop us into any situation and the first thing we’ll do, whether or not we know the facts, is begin to make assumptions. We are not deterred by ignorance of the facts. Whenever we don’t know, we simply make more assum ptions, more quickly. Most of our assumptions go unchecked. Soon we begin to treat them as fact and assign them the power of truth. There’s only one problem with all of this. Most of our assumptions are wrong! Our batting average is so poor it’s a miracle our species has made it this far. In order to survive life’s challenges successfully, we need the capacity to challenge our assumptions frequently enough to stop us from veering too far off course. Humor nature is our best resource for this. Challenging prevailing assum ptions is the chief mechanism of all humor. Challenge the assumption that you are sufficiently diligent in riding herd on your assum ptions by practicing this exercise:

Exercise #7:

Playing the “What if?” game is a good habit to develop. What and if are the two words that usually begin any assault on your assumptions. “What if ..” is a wake up call to your humor nature. Even when you are certain of your facts, “What if ..” is still a good habit, because it will stimulate your creativity (eg. What if two plus two did not equal four?)

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Practice playing “What if ...” with common every day

objects. Look around the room right now and try it with anything

you see. What if this pen wasn’t a pen? What else could it be? A

microphone ... a miniature space craft ... a jumbo lipstick tube?

What if that wasn’t my hat? Would it be a frisbee made of cloth ... a

lunch box ... a potholder?

Please don’t try to be funny in this exercise. There’s no need

for it. Simply let your imagination run free.

Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT SIX:

Let Go Frequently

In life, as in juggling, success depends less on what we catch than on how quickly we can let go. Failure to let go of what we have already lost increases our suffering and ineffectiveness during life’s

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inevitable transitions. Now, suppose you are an innocent recipient of misfortune or abuse. You did nothing to deserve the loss. You have a right to be resentful and angry. If you accept it gracefully, you may feel like you are endorsing an injustice or letting somebody or something off too easily. Nonetheless, it’s still advisable to let go and “forgive” as quickly as you can. Do this for one reason only — it’s good for you. Harboring resentment, no m atter how justified it may be, imprisons the resenter, while making no impact on the situation. It drains energy and limits options. Letting go is something we do for the benefit of no one but ourselves. But it is not easy. The more important the loss, the harder it is to release our grip. This is where the issue of priorities, raised earlier, becomes important. We must not allow difficulty in letting go of the more important issues to stand in the way of our releasing what we can. Every little bit helps free us to be more resourceful and effective in our responses. Humor nature provides an effective and practically effortless way of letting go — laughter. We cannot laugh without letting go. Believe me, I’ve tried and it gave me a hernia. If you are able to let go, it may be only for today. Tom orrow may require a renewed effort, since resentments have a way of building back up, with or without justification. Perhaps you will find this exercise helpful:

Exercise #6:

Begin by letting the little things go. There may be things in your life that you can’t forgive right now. That’s certainly understandable, but it doesn’t have to stop you. To practice this exercise, all we really need is the willingness to release the things that we can. Each little bit helps. Every time we let go of a small resentment we increase the likelihood of eventually being free of our bigger ones. Start with the easy ones and work your way up.

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT FIVE:

Listen Very Carefully

The most difficult thing to do when we are faced with stressful challenges is to listen very carefully. Yet it is a fact that our listening skill is our greatest asset for success. Most people find listening difficult because they think of it as a passive state. Careful listening may be a quiet activity, but it is certainly not passive. It requires the activation of every sense— our ears, of course, but also our eyes, our touch and especially our hearts. The goal is to first understand, before seeking to be understood. If we are willing to listen fully to what we are hearing, we will discover information that will make us more successful. Quite often others will give us clues to the response that will be most effective. Not only that, but when we listen intently, we will become aware of the humor in a situation that might otherwise be overlooked. This plays right into our commitment to have as much fun as possible at all times. The following exercise, performed daily, will increase the sensitivity of all your observational senses:

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Exercise #5:

Read the newspaper twice.

The first time read the news, comics and whatever else

interests you. Then go back through looking for “funny” headlines

and captions.

Practice focusing just on the choice and positioning of words,

and nothing more. Suddenly amusing variations will become

apparent. You can have fun with these variations, which will be

missed by the majority of those who read them.

To give you an idea of what awaits you, here are a few

examples of headlines that I have found in my local newspaper:

“JUDGE TOLD TO RULE ON LIFE SUPPORT CASE

OF MAN ALREADY DEAD”

“KENTUCKY COUPLE CONVICTED OF FRAUD

FAILS TO APPEAR AT PRISON”

“SUING EMPLOYER CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO

YOUR CAREER”

“INDIANA PARK FEES MAY RISE—OR FALL”

“TOWN OVERWHELMED BY POLLUTION HOPES

TO BECOME NATIONAL PARK”

“THIRD TEEN IS CHARGED IN PIZZA STABBING”

“UNWANTED VASECTOMY COULD WRECK

MARRIAGE”

Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT FOUR:

Allow Your Mistakes

Far from a license for mediocrity, this commandment is a formula for success. If we are to rise above our fear and pain we must have the energy for it. Trying to deny our mistakes and keep them hidden from others is a waste of that precious energy. As we’ve already observed, we are perfectly imperfect. Mistakes are inevitable, but they can be real assets if we are willing to learn from them. Acknowledging them freely is the first step in turning our perils into pearls. What can we learn from mistakes if we’re willing to acknowledge them? Of course the most obvious payoff is that they teach us what doesn’t work. Being wrong will often alert us to another perspective or point of view. Mistakes also force us to develop new behaviors and coping styles—expanding our repertoire. Tonight Show host Johnny Carson was a master at deliberately “making mistakes” in his nightly monologue as a way of exercising his adlibbing skills. Learning what doesn’t work, seeing additional perspectives, or developing new coping skills are all priceless assets when we are going through inevitable changes in our lives. And when it comes to expanding repertoires and gaining new perspectives, we have no greater resource than humor. To practice “welcoming” your m istakes, try this exercise:

Exercise #4:

Be like Johnny Carson. Make m istakes on purpose. Ask dumb questions. Wear mismatched socks. Push the elevator button after it’s already lit. I call this deliberate foolishness. Acting in this way provides many benefits:

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1. You will get used to feeling foolish. It’s an exhilarating feeling.

2. You will enjoy knowing that others will misjudge you and feel a

false sense of superiority over you.

3. Being foolish is a good stress reliever.

Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT THREE:

Laugh at Yourself First

This commandment is not about losing self-respect or demeaning ourselves. Just the opposite — it is an act of loving kindness. Willingness to laugh at ourselves frees us from the restrictions of the unrealistic and unrem ittingly harsh expectations to which we hold ourselves when we are under duress. It gives us latitude to appreciate the ever-present inconsistencies and contradictions that are part of our makeup. Laughing at ourselves helps us recognize the difference between perfection and perfectionism .

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Perfection is what we are, and that includes all the inconsistencies and shortcom ings. You are not perfect, but you are perfection because of, not in spite of, your contradictions. Perfection is healthy. It includes imperfection. Perfectionism, on the other hand, is what we think we should be. It is always unhealthy. It is intolerant of imperfection. When we are caught up in our perfectionism , we are brittle and inflexible. We can be broken down by change. So laughing at ourselves is not a form of humiliation. It is a way of taking ourselves lightly, while still taking our responsibilities seriously. Once we are able to lighten up, we become more creative and resourceful. When the going gets tough, the tough lighten up. If you are having trouble laughing at yourself, this exercise is recommended:

Exercise #3:

Sit quietly in a comfortable chair. Take several deep-relaxing breaths. Try to release all of the tension that will leave you as you let go of each breath. Dismiss all of the usual thoughts from your mind and set aside, momentarily, any problems you have been wrestling with. After approximately a dozen relaxing breaths, let your attention focus upon a trait or characteristic of yours that you do not like. It can be physical, mental, or social. It doesn’t matter. Just make sure it’s something you don’t like about yourself. While keeping the “unwanted” trait firm ly in mind, try to think of a way this characteristic could be amusing. Be playful and gentle. Do not be unkind or m ean spirited. Simply do what you can to see this trait in a more amusing or ridiculous light. After a moment, discontinue this thought pattern and simply take a few more deep relaxing breaths. End the exercise by taking one final deep breath, slowly exhaling as you open your eyes and stretch your arms over your head, and then bring them back down.

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