Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT ONE:

Always go the extra smile.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of a smile. Internally, it immediately sets good physiology into motion — muscles relax, your immune system perks up and you feel a surge of energy. Externally, others respond to your smile with encouragement and enthusiasm. As comedian Victor Borge once put it, “A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” All of this takes place even if you don’t feel like smiling. So force a smile on your face and keep it there. Just the muscular configuration will cause some changes in your favor. As they say in twelve-step recovery, it makes sense to “fake it until you make it.” Or to paraphrase comedian George Burns, when it comes to smiling, “Always be sincere, even if you have to fake it.”

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Try it right now. Oh, go ahead. Nobody’s watching. Force a big smile on your face and hold it. Can you feel that subtle surge of energy and confidence inside? It never fails to materialize if you hold the smile long enough. Here is an exercise that will help you follow this commandment. If you are willing to practice this protocol at least once a day, I guarantee you will find it easier to smile more often. That’s because when you gently stretch your smile muscles, they become stronger and more available. Hence smiling takes less effort. (CAUTION: THIS EXERCISE INVOLVES MILD EXERTION OF CERTAIN MUSCLE GROUPS. BE SURE TO CHECK WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE ATTEMPTING THESE MANEUVERS.)

Exercise #1:

(1) Raise your eyebrows as high as you can on your forehead. Try to touch your hairline with each eyebrow. Hold for a count of 10, then release. (2) Close both eyes as tightly as you can without hurting yourself. You want to get your cheeks involved with this maneuver. Hold for a count of 10, then release. (3) Try to touch your earlobes with the corners of your mouth. This should produce the biggest, broadest grin you can muster. Count to 10, then release. (4) Now try to touch the corners of your m outh underneath your chin, producing a huge frown. Hold for 10, then release. (5) Gently bring your chin down towards your chest, then look up at the ceiling, then slowly bring your chin back down to your chest. Look up and down in this fashion for six repetitions. (6) Carefully touch your right ear to your right shoulder, then your left ear to your left shoulder, and gently stretch your neck from side to side six tim es. Try to bring your ears down to your shoulders, rather than raising your shoulders to meet your ears. (7) Roll your shoulders in vertical circles, stretching your

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

FUN COMMANDMENT ONE:

Always go the extra smile.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of a smile. Internally, it immediately sets good physiology into motion — muscles relax, your immune system perks up and you feel a surge of energy. Externally, others respond to your smile with encouragement and enthusiasm. As comedian Victor Borge once put it, “A smile is the shortest distance between two people.” All of this takes place even if you don’t feel like smiling. So force a smile on your face and keep it there. Just the muscular configuration will cause some changes in your favor. As they say in twelve-step recovery, it makes sense to “fake it until you make it.” Or to paraphrase comedian George Burns, when it comes to smiling, “Always be sincere, even if you have to fake it.”

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

counteract it. That’s why we need to reclaim the Fun Factor in all

that we do.

The first step in reclaiming the Fun Factor is rem embering

that we are indeed hum or beings who are at our best only when we

are having fun. Understanding the distinction between having fun

and being funny, we need to ask ourselves frequently, “Am I having

fun?” And if the answer is no, we must then be prepared to commit

ourselves to having fun above everything else. When we do, we will

discover that no matter how much fun we are having, we can always

have a little bit more. In Emeril’s jargon, we can always “turn it up

another notch.”

There are specific principles involved in getting more fun

out of any experience. These principles work regardless of the

circumstances. I have organized the principles into the “Ten

Commandments of Fun.” If you practice these com mandments and

make habits of them, you will never be without a reliable way to tap

into your humor nature for the energy you need to be maxim ally

successful.

Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

As we made our way to Jordan’s basinet, Connie saw another

baby under an ultraviolet light for control of jaundice.

She grabbed my arm and whispered, “What’s that blue light?”

Without thinking, I just blurted out the first thing that

came to mind.

“Sweetheart, that baby’s on sale for the next ten minutes.”

Stupid? Absolutely.

Insensitive? I don’t think so (It was heard only by the two of

us).

Effective? You bet. It wasn’t very funny, but when Connie

jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow and whispered, “Cut that

out,” I knew that the tension had been broken and we were going

to get through that experience a little more easily.

That, my friends, is the human humor nature in action;

usually not very funny, but marvelously effective in getting us

through tough challenges. And it has been serving our species in

that regard since the beginning of our history. There is nothing new

about the notion that humor is our best resource. It goes back at

least as far as the Bible. In the Book of Proverbs we read, “A happy

heart is good medicine; a cheerful m ind works healing.” That’s pretty

unambiguous.

Sometimes it appears that we have just recently discovered

humor’s power, because it has only been over the last 25 years that

science has taken the matter under serious consideration. Indeed,

we’ve seen an explosion of scientific research into humor over the

last quarter century, which has established beyond doubt that it

reduces stress, boosts immunity, relieves pain, decreases anxiety,

stabilizes mood, rests the brain, enhances communication, inspires

creativity, maintains hope and bolsters m orale.

Who would not want those benefits in their life? How could

they not lead to greater success on many levels? Yet, we seem to have

fallen into a pattern of underutilization of our humor nature, a

deprivation syndrome characterized by taking ourselves too seriously.

I call this condition term inal seriousness.

Terminal seriousness will take us down if we do not

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

some kind of comedian?” “You think that’s funny? I’ll show you

what’s funny!” (This was my personal favorite, because they never

did show me what was funny.)

Again and again we were taught that laughter was a frivolous

thing and that responsible people were serious. Not wanting to be

considered irresponsible, we suppressed our humor, relegating it to

the realm of recreation and entertainment, appropriate only when

all our responsibilities had been m et. Consequently, the average 35

year-old now laughs only 15 times a day.

Reserving your hum or nature solely for entertainment

purposes is like owning a Mercedes automobile and only driving it

to the corner grocery once a week. It could take you so much further.

Besides, as it turns out, we have been denying ourselves the full

benefit of this marvelous resource based on erroneous information.

It appears that seriousness is not at all our most responsible posture.

When we are serious, we are not more creative, resilient or healthy;

nor are we better communicators. We are all those things and more

when we lighten up and take ourselves less seriously. Behavioral

research shows us that our seriousness has been holding us back.

Here’s an example of what we’ve been missing: About six

and a half years ago our family was in a painful crisis. Our daughter

had lost her first baby, which was our first grandchild. Six months

later, our daughter-in-law, who was also pregnant, went into labor

prematurely and delivered an underdeveloped baby who was not

breathing.

Little Jordan Kuhn was fighting for his life in the “Premie

ICU”, while we were struggling with the fear, rage and pain of a

possible second heartbreak in less than a year. You can imagine how

much tension we had that first morning when my wife Connie and

I were allowed to visit Jordan in the ICU. The tension was made

only worse by the presence of all the technology—the blinking lights,

the electronic alarms, those huge machines supporting such tiny,

frail bodies. It was a daunting moment.

At that moment in our lives we did not know what I can

now tell you. Later this year our family will gather to celebrate

Jordan’s seventh birthday. He’s a healthy, robust little boy who is

currently the star of his soccer team (at least his grandfather thinks

so). But we had no assurance of these things on that morning. We

were, to say the least, uptight.

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

If two people are technically knowledgeable and competent, if they

both know the right buttons to push, it can be extremely pleasurable.

But that’s nothing compared to the intensity that results when two

people make love. I think when you’re making the audience laugh,

your having sex with them. But if you’re sharing a laugh with them,

you’re making love. And you can feel the difference in the

interaction.”

“Interesting analogy,” I mused.

“I’ve watched you all this week. You’re working too hard at

it, son. (I loved it when he called me son. At that point in my

comedy career, he was the only comedian I had worked with who

was older than me.) The effort shows. You’re not having any fun,

and when you aren’t having fun, the audience isn’t either. It’s really

more important to have fun than to be funny.”

Hey, who’s the doctor here?

When you stop to think about it, there is a huge difference

between having fun and being funny. Funny is a behavior calculated

to provoke laughter. Without laughter the effort has failed. Not

everyone has the skill to be funny (You know who you are). But

more important, funny has relatively limited applicability. In many

situations, laughter is inappropriate and unwelcome.

On the other hand, fun is not a behavior. Fun is pure energy,

reflecting a certain attitude—willingness. Having fun is never

inappropriate. It is a personal choice, a private experience. Whether

or not to share fun with others is a separate decision.

Every one of us knows how to have fun. We were born with

this precious gift hardwired into our brains. As children, we have

fun naturally. The average 5 year-old laughs 250 times a day. Observe

a group of youngsters playing and you will undoubtedly hear

laughter. Are they being funny? Think about it. When was the last

time a preschooler told you a good joke? These kids know nothing

about being “funny” and everything about having fun.

We adults were once that way. But then we went to school,

where the systems inevitably stifled and suppressed our natural gift

of laughter. Do you rem ember how your teacher reacted to your

playful nature? “Wipe that smile off your face;” “What are you,

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

as human beings. Our humor nature is the deepest, highest and

widest part of us, encompassing everything we esteem about the

human character—resilience, perspective, creativity, passion,

tenacity, integrity, optimism, hope, and much more.

So integral to us is our humor nature that I believe we could

as easily be called humor beings as human beings. For a humor

being, fun is the fullest expression of humor nature. That is why I say

fun is fundamental to excellence in all our endeavors. Without it

we are settling for less than our best.

This brings us to a critical distinction. Notice I said fun is

fundamental to excellence. I did not claim funny as fundamental.

Nor did I mention laughter in this respect. That is because fun is a

very different concept from both funny and laughter. Although they

may at times overlap, having fun is quite a different experience

from being funny.

I had been perform ing for almost a week with Jim, a seasoned

veteran of the comedy club circuit. One night during dinner Jim

asked, “Cliff, do you m ind if I ask you a personal question?”

“Of course not,” I responded. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was just wondering,” he said. “Have you ever tried telling

the truth up on stage?”

“I don’t understand,” I countered.

“I notice you tell an awful lot of lies in your act,” he

continued. “You say things about yourself that I can see aren’t true,

now that I’ve gotten to know you.”

“But Jim, they’re jokes,” I replied. “You know, set ups for

punch lines. The idea is to make them laugh. Right?”

“I guess I assumed you would have by now noticed the

difference between making them laugh and sharing a laugh with

them,” he answered.

It was an interesting distinction. I wanted to hear more.

He lit a cigarette and continued.

“To me, performing comedy is a lot like a sexual relationship.

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

We think that being financially successful is the best way to

bring more fun into our lives. Wrong! We think that fun does not

apply to the frightening and serious parts of life. Wrong again! We

think that fun is synonymous with laughter and jokes. Strike three!

I’m pretty sure our civilization has lost its sense of humor.

We have relegated fun to the realm of recreation and entertainment.

We’ve gradually been depriving ourselves of an essential resource

for dealing with the serious challenges we face every day at work

and at home.

We’ve lost our sense of hum or for many reasons, and the

reasons why are not that important. But it is time we reclaimed it,

for as the world’s philosopher-clown, Jerry Lewis, once told me,

“Without humor, nothing can prevail.”

In this book, you will rediscover the nature of your sense of

humor—your true “humor nature.” You will gain a renewed

understanding and appreciation for its power to bring you success

in any endeavor. And you will learn m any strategies and techniques

for restoring the Fun Factor in your work, your family and your

life.

Each of us has in the depths of his being an energy so strong

it is capable of getting us through the worst experiences of life.

Whether it is war, famine, pestilence, disease, oppression or death

that befalls us, this energy not only gets us through, but also has

been known to lift us above such atrocities in transcendent triumph.

Each of us has deep inside a spirit so universal that it connects

us all at a level too profound for words. This spirit sustains our hope

and lifts our morale in the face of adversity. It is indomitable.

Within our personal chemistry we carry a medicine that

reduces stress and prevents depression even more effectively than

any pill.

The energy/spirit/medicine I’m referring to is none other

than your sense of hum or or, as I choose to call it, your humor

nature. To me hum or nature is synonymous with hum an nature,

because I believe that humor is the essence of who and what we are

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Ten Ways You Can Be Happy

We got to work.

A nervous young woman fidgeted in her chair. It was clear

she did not want to be in a psychiatrist’s consulting room.

“I’ll be honest with you, Dr. Kuhn. The only reason I’m

here is because I respect Dr. Adams, my oncologist. I don’t have

much faith in psychiatry, but she thinks you can help me. She calls

you the Laugh Doctor. If you’re planning to tell me I can laugh

away my cancer, I’ll just leave right now.”

“I don’t see anything funny about breast cancer,” I said

quietly. “However, I have discovered this to be true. If you can hold

onto your sense of hum or while you are going through the surgery,

the chemotherapy, the fear, uncertainty and pain of it all, you’ll do

better, live longer and have a better quality of life. If you’ll let me,

I’d like to help you keep your sense of humor.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she countered. “How do

you keep a sense of humor when there’s nothing to laugh about?”

“That’s an excellent question,” I said. “I think I know how

to help you answer it.”

And so we, too, got to work.

These two vignettes are not isolated cases. Both individuals

made the same mistake we all make when it comes to humor. They

had forgotten the relationship between fun and success; between

fun and accomplishm ent; between fun and adaptability. As a society

we are suffering from this same oversight. We have lost our

understanding of the true nature of humor.

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